


Only You

by Caramel_Roze



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mild Blood, Mild Language, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Photography
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 01:57:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17992673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caramel_Roze/pseuds/Caramel_Roze
Summary: "Ash, do you mind if I…?"Green eyes blinked before they moved to Eiji.He was holding his camera to him.If it was anyone else, Ash would think about this, but this was Eiji who was asking.“Sure.”Ash rolled onto his side, propping his head up on his arm and smiled at him.CLICK.





	Only You

**Author's Note:**

> My first submission for #BFSmutWeek2019!  
> Day 1: Photographs  
> Pair is Ash/Eiji  
> Warnings before reading: the beginning has a nightmare of Ash's past trauma: being filmed and photographed against his will. Also has references to snuff films and CSA so please, take heed.

 

.................................

 

Ash was cold, his clothes strewn to the cold concrete floor as he lay, naked and bruised on that putrid mattress, staring at a camera held by grubby hands.

 

CLICK!

**_Stop._ **

CLICK!

_‘Pose better than that.’_

**_Fuck you._ **

CLICK!

‘ _…show your ass more…’_

**_Go die._ **

CLICK!

‘ _Smile, you’re so cute…’_

**_Go choke on your shit._ **

 

After pictures, they did it again. They grabbed his body, pinned his hands and spread his legs.

**… _No. I don’t want this….I don’t ….I don’t want this…Please._**

**_“I’ll pose better! I’ll smile! I’ll do whatever! Just… please…..don’t…don’t…do this...”_ **

****

Of course, they never listened.

 

He felt the pain of a syringe pressed deep into his vein. His body felt light, hot and throbbed with forced desire. Ash resisted for as much as he could…but to no avail.

Seeing the change in his demeanour turning slowly submissive, the dark figures smirked down at him. 

They caressed his face with their rough hands, dirtied with muck and filth. Affectionately, each gave him a heated kiss – devouring the boy’s cries greedily as monsters do.  His silent cries for help muffled by those slobbery lips.

The taste of tobacco and the overpowering smell of alcohol permeated the air. It choked him. He couldn’t breathe.

He felt sick.

As Ash lay there on that familiar, cold and dark warehouse floor, he succumbed back into the darkness.

The clicking of the camera continued, another man was inbetween his thighs, pain followed and Frogg’s evil laughter echoed.

_On…and on…and…on-_

**_He blacked out again..._ **

**_…._ **

He awoke to an endless scream and the color red.

He was back in that filthy warehouse.

He looked around…then froze. His blood ran cold.

Before him was the mangled body of a lifeless Eiji.

His hand clenched a bloodied knife.

No.

CLICK.

“OI, WHORE! Look this way!

He knew what this was.

“Ehehehe this film is gonna be great! He killed this one pretty well.”

**NO.**

He heard the clicks of a camera from all around them.

The cruel laughter of those who found entertainment from such a scene – A scene they’d edit into a film for those who found arousal at their despair.

_Please….no…._

_CLICK, CLICK, CLICK_

Ash fell to his knees, looking at Eiji’s body.

………….

………………

_I want to die._

He held the knife to his stomach.

_“Eiji, I’m coming.”_

The knife was driven deep into his abdomen.

A scream from far away called to him as he lay there bleeding out.

**ASH! ASH! ASH!**

 

**_Ash… Please wake up…_ **

****

_……Eiji._

* * *

 

 

A worried expression dripping in sweat, Eiji Okumura shook his beloved as gently but as desperately as he could. Their shared bed crumpled from the wild movements of Ash’s earlier screaming.

No matter how much he tried to ease him, although successful in calming him down momentarily, the dreams still continued to plague him.

“Ash….please wake up….”

Eiji stopped shaking him and instead embraced his form from behind, spooning him. He rested his face near Ash’s cheek and kissed his neck before whispering in his ear. Whispers of love escaped Eiji’s lips, reassuring him that he is indeed there for him, and always will be. That no matter what Ash dreamt of, no matter what torture his dreams put him through – that Eiji himself will be there when he wakes.

He will be there to comfort him, talk to him, and love him.

Eiji promised himself since the madness of the Banana Fish incident ended; that he will never allow Ash to feel alone ever again.

“I’m here Ash….I’m here…..I love you.”

Wracking sobs and quivers spread through Ash’s body, but the blonde spoke slowly, with deep breaths. “Eiji…Eiji-” He felt him touch his arm, grasping on it desperately as of trapping Eiji to him forever.

“Never leave me….dont…leave me…”

“Shhh…It’s okay.

…

That softened tone broke past Ash’s succumbing darkness. It warmed his freezing body and eased his trembling soul.

“Eiji is here….Eiji….Eiji.”

The name was a taste of sweetness and joy to his lips. The blonde let out a small sigh as he felt those comforting hands held him.

Eiji didn’t even need to say too much. He just held him in place – as if he was holding together a fragile jar slowly cracking before him.

He was calming him. Reminding Ash, once more that he was right there for him.

_Eiji…. what did I do to deserve you…?_

_…_

As the sounds of clicks and evil laughter subsided in his thought, he slowly opened his eyes to look at his angel. Eiji sighed before smiling at him, slowly stroking his soft blonde locks. Ash returned the sentiment by reaching to hold Eiji’s free hand, and looked at him with an endearing gaze.

_He loved those eyes._

He drowned in their dark brown depths; they seemed to dispel his worries and fears completely. They understood him, accepted him, and gazed at him with adoration, void of any ulterior motives.

_God, I love him so much._

“Do you want me to get you anything?”

“Just you.”

Eiji blushed.

Chuckling a little at the cute pink on his face, Ash took a few deep breaths. Slowly inhaling and exhaling the air around him. It was dark in their room, but he could smell the memories they made within.

The scent of roses they bought from a florist that opened, the Japanese study books they borrowed the other day, the faint odour of unwashed laundry and the mackerel Eiji had made a few hours before.

His eyes met a glare from a reflective surface. Photographs and frames littered their walls. Memories of beautiful times: out near the pond for a private picnic, walking in Central Park and other places.

Ash adored these photos taken by Eiji. The only camera clicks he’d accept anywhere near him – if it was for Eiji, he’d welcome anything with open arms. He didn’t need to force anything in those shots. He smiled because he wanted to; he posed because he wanted to see the embarrassed blush on that round handsome face that was Eiji’s alone.

Tears welled in his eyes of how grateful he felt for this man to enter his life. _Ah, he loved this._ He was safe, he was loved, and these photos were evidence of that.

He was _here_ , in this bubble of comfort, warmth and happiness. His sanctuary being the man who caresses him so lovingly.

Ash sniffed.

“Hold me please…”

A hand stroked his back soothingly, “Sure.”

Their hearts fluttered, and Ash leaned into Eiji’s hands. A peaceful silence.

“I love you.” Ash blurted out.

Flushed, he replied back with a smile, “I love you too.”

Ash’s heart pounded in his chest and their embrace tightened. The pair rolled to accommodate their shared weight on the right side of the bed. He remembered the calm of being in a bed alone after the forced couplings of his past.

He remembered sneaking into Griffin's bed whenever he had nightmares – or if he felt just lonely in general. His brother would be there, to make everything go away.

_‘Shhhh, Aslan…I’m here….I’m here.’_

He remembered hugging into that large chest as a child, pressing himself hard against him, to stop him from leaving for the military. What followed were lonely nights, painful nights, bloodied nights.

But not anymore.

Ash pressed his head onto Eiji’s chest, listening to those glorious bounds of blood pumping inside his beloved. Ash own heart seemed to synchronize with his, and the duo listened to their breaths and hearts.

_‘Keep beating you heart of his. Keep him alive for me.’_

Ash thoughts swimming with Eiji’s heart, his lips and his body.

“..Eiji?”

“Hm?” the brown orbs seemed to pierce into his soul, with purity and affection. Ash was hesitant.

“What would you do if I died?”

Brief confusion had flashed though those brown eyes, before his smiled returned and enveloped his gaze with kindness.

"I don’t know….I guess I’d join you." Eiji answered.

Ash’s eyes widened.

"…. You could do so much more with your life without me…"

Eiji blinked. His eyes seemingly whirling with emotions, doubt and how best to formulate his next answer. Then, with a smile, he reached over to flick Ash’s nose. The latter let out a squeal.

…"That’s just it. It’s because we love each other." The Japanese man had answered with all the serious conviction on his held gaze. He stroked Ash’s cheek, drawing circles on his pale cheek.

"I don’t think I can live without you."

Ash stared into those brown depths.

“…Eiji.”

“The world isn’t worth living in if you aren’t there with me. We need each other.”

He nuzzled against Ash’s palm, closed his eyes before kissing it lovingly.

“My life is yours Ash. Forever.”

Once again, tears welled in those emerald orbs as the blonde covered his face in embarrassment and glee. It was awfully morbid to allow Eiji of all people say such grim promises. He felt so selfish…yet he felt happy that such selfless words would come out of his mouth. He should be remorseful, yet no such thought crossed his mind.

He was just glad to know Eiji would love no one else; that he'd rather die than exist without him. No one’s really ever promised to stay and be loyal to Ash. All his gang members, despite their fierce devotion, would ultimately leave or abandon Ash had he not demonstrated his strength and prowess to them.

Money, blood and power ruled the world as they say.

But it didn’t need to be that way when it was just him and Eiji.

Their grip on each other couldn’t get even tighter, with both hungrily grasping and clenching themselves closer to one another – desperate to feel their bodies.

His nightmares now almost diminished from his mind, Ash inhaled the headiness of Eiji’s homely scent, leaning their faces in to join their lips in a soft kiss. After a few minutes, Ash grinded his body against his and looked to him longingly.

“Eiji….please.”

Eiji didn’t need to think twice.

Their kiss held in intimacy, their spirits to reach out and caress one another, erasing every brought up fear and uncertainty. Hands pressed close just the right way, stances shifting almost like a dance, creating a steady movement to rock for the both of them.

Eiji’s lips began wandering from the Ash’s hot mouth, pressing them to corner of his lips, his chin, and then showering kisses on that lithe pale neck.

_He was so gentle, so caring, so loving…_

Ash tilted his chin to the air as he lay back and let himself be loved by the man he’d do anything for.

 ......

“Mmmh….Ah….” Moans spilled from his mouth.

Ash’s sounds made him hold his love that much tighter, reaching up to caress that passion-riddled face. After lubing Ash’s entrance, Eiji positioned himself inbetween his thighs and pressed his member to his entrance.

“Eiji…wait.”

He froze, worried that he injured him.

“What’s wrong?”

Ash said nothing as he clambered onto Eiji’s lap, his hand steadily leading the latter’s cock into his entrance, hungrily begging to be filled.

“Let me….let me ride you.”

“But-”

“Shhh…please let me…”

Ash licked his lips looking at the swollen member about to enter him. The member seemed to throb in Ash’s hand.

_Ahh….I want it. I want his cock._

As he lowered himself, he felt the delicious stretch of the cock entering him. Eiji’s blush deepened as he saw Ash slowly seat himself upon it, with a heated expression that would put the gods to shame.

“Hnnn…ahhh.” Eiji let out heated breaths. His insides always felt so good, _too good._

Ash held onto Eiji’s shoulders as he rolled his hips, deepening their connection. Eiji’s swelling size was stretching his lover, and the blonde was all too ecstatic to share the lovely sensations his love was making him feel.

“Hnnng….yeah…ah….Eiji….Eiji.”

“Ash stop….hah…I can’t..NGH!”

 Ash pushed his hips down, and a suddenly a mewl escaped those peach pink lips as an impatient Eiji began bucking his hips upward to help Ash take all of him in. A shrill pleasure laced that ethereal face.

Golden brows crashed together, eyes squeezed shut, teeth grit before pulling lips into the mouth to bite. Ash’s chest was heaving, a delirious smile on his lips.

“Do…Do that again...”

Eiji could see how his chest muscles quivered with each breath. Sweat precipitating across his flawless skin - it made him glow in the rays of the moon shining from their bedroom window. He was always such a sight to see in the throes of their passion.

"Ash….I love you. I love you so much.” Eiji gasped out as his hand reached up, pressing against the boy's cheek as he rode him fervently. The pulse beneath his touch raced, and when green eyes fluttered open to look at him, he pressed an impassioned kiss to his lips – and Ash was all too happy to reciprocate.

The moment Eiji pressed his tongue inside, he felt him clamp his teeth down onto the slick strong muscle and then begin to suckle it, sharing and tasting his saliva.

“Mnnn…..ahh.”

Eiji’s head tilted back in pleasure and he returned the feeling by rubbing down Ash’s rolling hips until reaching around and squeezing him from behind. The gasp that Ash made at that moment came with the act of letting go of Eiji’s tongue. Immediately, taking advantage of the situation, Eiji pressed his tongue in deeper, sweeping behind teeth and underneath the boy's own shivering tongue.

With a roll of his hips, Eiji thrusted deeper into Ash with the latter picking up the rhythm to counter his lover’s delicious movements. The feel of his cock swelling had Ash’s inner walls were tighten. He hummed at the feeling and rubbed the inside of his thighs to help him relax.

"Ahhh…Oh . . . oh!  Fuck…!" Placing a finger in his mouth, Ash tossed his head back into the sheets, his hair fanning out around him, cascading like golden silk. Those eyes clenched shut continually, and upon them fluttered long beautiful eyelashes that brushed his perspired pink cheeks.

"Coming…I’m-I’m coming!”

“I love you…ngh…I love you!”

Their positions were switched now with Eiji pushing Ash to his back and ramming himself deeper to his partner’s delight.

As Nirvana approached him, Ash clenched the sheets below him, “Yes! Oh…Ahh...AHH!”

Their moans, gasps, and groans were echoed to their bedroom walls.

“Eiji" Ash gasped again, his eyes opening and fingers releasing the torn bed fabric, to instead cling to his beloved’s body.

“Please come inside me….give me all of you.”

Highly aroused hips smacked against pelvis upon the plea. Eiji couldn’t help himself as he leaned down and kissed Ash’s breath away. He could feel those young strong hands moving up his back, one pressing against his neck as if to make their kiss more intimate, while the other hand reached up and tangled into his dark locks.

Eiji groaned out a moan before finally shoving himself as deeply as he could and let himself come deep within his depths. Ash seemed to vibrate strongly as he felt Eiji essence flood his insides. His mouth gaped into an open ‘O’ with strings of saliva erotically shown within.

Ash felt purified; his soul at rest and his insides filled with Eiji’s seed.

"Mmmngh! fill me…give me all of it….nhh"

Ash gleefully sighed out in their final moments. His own cock poured out the evidence of his ecstasy. In the time he ejaculated, Eiji had reached between them and rubbed Ash’s cock while it expelled its contents.

Ash’s sighs turned into short moans. _Oh_ , he enjoyed the feeling of Eiji’s cock pumping out its seed and filling his depths. He would willingly lose himself to this pleasure forever.

They remained still for a moment, basking in their connection their presences. The sounds of their panted breaths arose. Satisfied sighs left their mouths and their bodies calmed into a state of relaxation.

Amidst the pleasure ridden high, Ash chuckled and pressed a hand to his face. "Hah…hey…Eiji.”

“…hah…yes Ash?”

He giggled with tears in his eyes

“Have I told you have much I love you?”.

“Every day Ash. Every day.”

Eiji softly whispered against the blonde’s chest that he now currently rested on top of - if just to listen to that quickly paced heart slow its beats.

In the silence, his gentle fingers carded through his hair and slowed for a moment; instead opting to cup the base of his skull in a cradle-like fashion.

The feeling of his knees rubbed Eiji’s hips soothingly while the blonde occasionally clamped down on the softening cock still lodged deep inside him for a closer feel.

There was a silence before Eiji spoke, wiping the latter’s tears. "How are you feeling now?"

Ash simply hummed happily, as he nestled against Eiji’s hips. He felt content in his arms, feeling his restless soul take to peace.

"You know, this is the first time you’ve had a nightmare this month. You used to have them every night."

His warm hands now running down Ash’s neck and back, tracing circles against it. "You always feel the need to have me hold you every time. Like I’ll leave if you don’t…"

Ash then whispered.

“….you died.”

“Huh?”

Ash turns his face away from that worried gaze, “You die in my nightmares. I just feel the need….to make sure you’re alive and still here with me.”

Eiji remained quiet in this and only held onto Ash tighter. Ash welcomed his silence. He didn’t need to think of the matter when he was safe here, in Eiji’s arms. He could just fall asleep here in this moment.

Sensing Ash’s ease, Eiji smiled while his hand clasped his own tightly. "Like I said Ash. I’ll stay with you forever. For as long as I live, into eternity and forever."

"And I’ll do the same," Ash replied contently before leaning down and nuzzling against Eiji who returned the action with an affection that rivalled his own.

Another silence enveloped them while they held one another, basking in the aftermath of their passion, and eagerness for their date in the morning. Another perfect date, another opportunity for capturing more precious moments.

"Can tomorrow just come?" Ash said dreamily while closing his eyes, smile on his lips.

“You have sleep first Ash.”

Ash groaned. “Do I have to? I don’t want to…..”

He flinched.

The resounding clicks and cruel laughter returned to his memory briefly before Eiji kissed his forehead.

"If you have another nightmare, I'll be here to tell you how much I love you. I’ll keep telling you that again, and again and again.”

As he said ‘again’, he gave Ash’s forehead gentle kisses.

Overwhelmed with feelings of love and affection flooded his soul as Eiji’s hands and clasped them both to hold throughout the night. Ash leaned against his chest closer "I’m happy with you right now, and always."

Another moment of silence followed, as Eiji cupped Ash’s cheeks, smoothing the surface with his thumb.

"You’re so beautiful Ash."

He silently took in Ash’s still form and the sight of the rise and fall of his chest. He truly was so gorgeous; His lithe body laid in a way that the blankets and pillows seemed to make it look like he was on a cloud – he was always so photogenic.

An idea came to mind. Eiji reached for something on their lampstand.

"Ash, do you mind if I…?" Green eyes blinked before they moved toward him.

He was holding his camera to him.

If it was anyone else, Ash would think about this, but this was Eiji who was asking.

“Sure.”

Ash rolled onto his side, propping his head up on his arm and smiled at him.

CLICK.

"You sure you got my good side?" Ash questioned with a raised brow.  Eiji caught the playfulness in the blonde’s tone and he was glad for it.

Ash himself wasn’t too surprised at his blaise reaction to the photograph being taken. Besides, _why would he refuse?_

He may despise cameras for years to come, but what mattered was the person whom took it – and that person right now, being his everything.

 Eiji rolled his eyes, “Good shot or no, I’ll keep every photo of you.”

_God, why was he so lovable?_

After a time, with the help of Eiji’s humming and caresses, Ash happily fell asleep again. Eiji held him tight, himself looking forward to the rising sun and the bringing in of a new day. A new day with his beloved.

In Ash’s mind, the daunting notion of falling asleep again to dream of such harsh memories still weighed on his mind. However, he knew that with Eiji and their friends by their side, he'd be able to move on each day and slowly put that tormented past behind him.

Maybe he’ll stop hating cameras so much.

That will come in time.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Stay tuned for Day 2 with Cain x Ash!
> 
> Don't forget to leave a comment and kudo!


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